Category: Encouragement

4 Tips for Romantic Modern Day Relationships

By LaTangellia Walker on December 9, 2022February 12, 2023

By Shon Mack | UAB Community Health and Human Services Intern

I’m sure everyone has heard of the typical fairytale ending for relationships…..you know, boy meets girl, they fall in love, and live happily ever after. Sound familiar? If you’re like me, I used to that this was the ultimate accomplishment, but in reality, it doesn’t always end this way. In fact, I find it hard to believe that anything remotely close to that can occur in this day and age. Speaking from experience as an African American woman who’s been in quite a few relationships, it is common for both men and women to miscommunicate their true intentions at the start of a relationship. This can result in a major turmoil, confusion, and resentment between both parties.

But why has this become the norm? Why has it become easy for couples to split instead of staying together and working it out? Why is it so easy for me to see a future without husband? After all, I am an attractive woman, with a great job, a good head on my shoulders, with a solid spiritual foundation. So what is the problem? A few common reasons why couples are splitting in modern society involve them growing apart, constant arguments, unfaithfulness, lack of respect, different interests, money problems, domestic violence, drinking/drugs/gambling, etc.(Sussex Publishers, 2022).

In some cases, it feels like when we point a finger, there are three pointing back at us. This challenges me to think that maybe we should look more deeply into ourselves to identify any problems that could potentially sabotage future relationships. But, personally, it doesn’t make sense… I’m 45 years old, and I feel that should have some type of introspection over my life, right? I think so. I believe that I have done my dirt and I need to make amends, but sometimes taking ownership is so hard. So what advice could I give to myself and others struggling to maintain healthy and loving relationships?

• Respect and Honesty goes a long way. Make sure that you are always honest about your true intentions before entering a relationship.

• Let go of your pride and ego. No one is perfect. Be open to learning from each other’s mistakes.

• Practice effective communication. Learn the difference between “hearing” your partner and “listening” to your partner, and be mindful of how your response can make your partner feel.

• Forgive. Always be open to forgive your partner, not just for them, but for yourself as well.

Now that I’m older and wiser, I understand the importance of these things. As I stated before, no one is perfect (including me), but with these 4 tips, relationships are destined to thrive in today’s modern society.

Sussex Publishers. (n.d.). The top 12 reasons why couples break up. Psychology Today. Retrieved December 7, 2022, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/social-instincts/202211/the-top-12-reasons-why-couples-break

Posted in: #forgiveness, #relationships, #trust

Encouragement Prevention Protection Understanding (Insight & Wisdom) Wholeness

You Better Believe Them

By reginiad on December 8, 2022March 28, 2023

By Reginia Dodson | UAB Community Health and Human Services Intern

In the famous words of Maya Angelou, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time” (Maya Angelou, 2023). Often, we as women, and most importantly black women tend to overlook all of the warning signs of a toxic relationship. This may include a romantic, friendship, or even a professional relationship.

Abuse is a pattern of behavior used by one person to gain and maintain power and control over another (Team, 2021). DMost women often ignore the tell-tale signs of an abuser, Abuse comes in all forms such as verbal, physical, and financial. It can come in form of your good friend that always needs to borrow that little $40 she can never seem to pay back. It is amazing how little your $40 becomes when you dare to ask for them back. The excuses you hear when you ask to become a barrage of putdowns and make the situation even worse. Nevertheless, this is an example of financial abuse.

Next, we have the person that always has something negative to say, or makes a harsh comment that may offend us in some way. This is sign of verbal abuse. Sometimes it is easy for us to ignore these statements and signs, or to justify their reasoning behind their actions, but this behavior should not be tolerated.

Lastly, we have the outright physical abuser. This particular person wants to physically harm you. “But it was only one time, they promised me it wouldn’t happen again “, a common yet horrific statement of those suffering from physical abuse. If someone causes us harm, we should run and never look back. Physical abuse can ultimately lead to permanent injury or even death.

You better believe them all. We should be able to identify our limitations and boundaries; and consider them often when experiencing abuse. No relationship is worth a hit to your mental, financial, or physical health so protect it at all costs.

References

Maya Angelou quotes. (n.d.). Retrieved March 28, 2023, from https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/maya_angelou_383371

Team, R. (2021, August 24). 6 different types of abuse. Retrieved March 28, 2023, from https://reachma.org/blog/6-different-types-of-abuse/

Posted in: #relationships, #trust, Justice, power, violence

Encouragement Positive Wholeness

The Art of Being Care-Free

By LaTangellia Walker on December 1, 2022March 28, 2023

By Tan Walker | UAB Community Health & Human Services Intern

Wherever you invest your time, there lies your heart (The art of not caring, 2017). In other words, the things that matter the most to you are the things you are most present for. Everyone is entitled to have their own agendas but establishing what is most important in our lives should be a priority. The things in our lives that don’t matter as much, we can just go with the flow to see what happens.

Unfortunately, I’ve realized that I am the complete opposite of the term “care-free”. I’m easily agitated and frustrated, and I have a tendency to stress over things that are completely out of my control. Now that I have recognized this flaw of mind, I am able to handle myself a little better whenever I face things that challenge me. The ultimate solution to handling situations like this is mastering “the art of being care-free”.

Being care-free is learning how to pick and choose your battles. At some point in life, we will all have things that challenge us, irritate us, or get us worked up. However, we are entirely responsible for our own emotions and actions. Failure happens. Heartbreak happens. Life happens. We get to decide whether we want to let one situation ruin our entire day, or if we want to learn from it and move on.

Learning to stay focused on things that really matter, and spend less time on things that don’t is a valuable lesson we all should learn from. From the time we wake up in the morning, to the time we go to sleep at night, we will always be faced with making decisions that could affect our lives. It is up to us to decide whether those things will affect us in a positive or negative way. The next time you become flustered and agitated with something, remember “the art of being care-free”.

The art of not caring. (2017, December 31). Retrieved December 1, 2022, from https://thoughtcatalog.com/lindsey-lazarte/2017/12/the-art-of-not-caring/#:~:text=What%20I%20mean%20when%20I%20say%20%E2%80%9Cthe%20art,in%20control%20of%20your%20own%20actions%20and%20emotions.

Posted in: #art, #carefree, #frustrated

Encouragement Health(y) Hopeful Positive

Weathering the Storm, Al B. Sure is Grateful for His Second Chance at Life

By LaTangellia Walker on November 18, 2022November 18, 2022

Tan Walker | UAB Community Health & Human Services

You may know the artist, Al B. Sure from his hits “Nite & Day”, “Off On Your Own Girl”, or as one of the collaborators in the song “U Will Know” by Black Men United. Today, Al B. is a 54-year-old award winning R&B singer who recently awoke from a 2-month coma. He explained to his fans that he lost feeling in the left side of his body while sitting in front of a computer screen and then fell over. However, he was able to call for help since his phone was in reach at the time of the incident. He then expressed that he encountered multiple surgeries, blood transfusions, and an organ transplant during his hospital stay. He also had pneumonia, became septic, and had his lymph nodes removed (Daniels, 2022). Despite all of the health challenges that he went through, he is extremely thankful to be “alive, alert, and gradually healing.” He also says that is “maintaining a positive mindset throughout this healing process” (Daniels, 2022).

Al B. has overcome many obstacles in his life in such a short time, yet he still remains positive through the storm. It can sometimes be hard for people to become bigger than their circumstances and exercise the strength, courage, and faith to make it through the challenging times. This is what is meant by being resilient.

Resilience is the process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences, especially through mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility and adjustment to external and internal demands (APA, 2022). Part of being resilient is remaining positive and optimistic when experiencing challenges.

Here are a few tips to stay positive during hard times:

Acknowledge all of the good things in your life
Look at your situation from a different perspective
Focus on the things you can control
Spend time with positive people
Ask for help when you need it

No matter how hard a situation may be, it is important to stay positive and not let your circumstances define you!

References

American Psychological Association. (2022). APA Dictionary of Psychology (2nd ed.). Retrieved November 18, 2022, https://dictionary.apa.org/?_ga=2.261668622.261180337.1668820604-1749021350.1667872057.

Daniels, K. F. (2022, November 5). R&B singer Al B. sure! shares health update after 2-month coma and organ transplant. Al B. Sure! shares health update about 2-month coma ordeal. Retrieved November 18, 2022, from https://www.nydailynews.com/snyde/ny-al-b-sure-health-update-two-month-coma-20221105-t3tayky6bnhrbb557go5cdmisq-story.html

Kirsten Parker, M. F. A. (2021, November 16). 10 ways to keep positive during Hard Times. wikiHow. Retrieved November 18, 2022, from https://www.wikihow.com/Keep-Positive-During-Hard-Times#:~:text=How%20to%20Keep%20Positive%20During%20Hard%20Times%201,…%208%20Practice%20breathing%20meditation.%20…%20More%20items 

Posted in: Body, Faith, Health, Mental, Resilience, Wellness

Encouragement Hopeful Mission-fulfillment Uncategorized

What Do I Do Now?: Overcoming Stagnancy in Life

By LaTangellia Walker on November 7, 2022February 10, 2023

By Tan Walker|UAB Community Health and Human Services Intern

There are times in life when we feel like we are excelling and accomplishing our goals. There are also times where we feel stagnant, and our lives have come to a complete halt. Believe it or not, it is quite common for us to sometimes feel uninspired and unmotivated to complete certain tasks or become a victim of procrastination. This can feel like a never-ending cycle of feeling like we’re on top of the world and drowning all at once. Here are some signs that you are stagnating:

If you are experiencing chronic procrastination on your goals and aspirations
If you’re not in the mood to do anything
If you rely on sleep, eating, and other activities for entertainment and comfort
If you know you should be doing something, but you keep avoiding it
If you have not achieved anything new in the last few months
If you feel like you are not reaching your potential

Trying to face stagnation in life can be a sign of a deeper problem. It is important to not eat yourself up over it and focus on overcoming this feeling. These few steps can help you gain the momentum you need to help you get back on track:

Realize that you aren’t alone- Everyone feels stagnant at some point or another. You are not alone, and it is completely normal.

Find things that inspire you- Set goals for yourself and believe that there are no limitations for yourself.

Give yourself a break- Normalize taking breaks for yourself. Taking 3-6 months to rewind and regroup can be very beneficial.

Change your daily routines- It’s okay to change things around. Doing the same things over and over again can sometimes make us stagnant.

Make a small step- It is important to take action towards the goals that you set. Don’t be afraid of the unknown, or worry about being a perfectionist. Take things one day at a time!

Always remember that everything starts with us. We are responsible for what we choose to do within our lives and how we feel about certain things. Don’t let stagnation define you!Celestine ChuaCelestine is the Founder of Personal Excellence where she shares her best advice on how to boost productivity and achieve excellence in life. Read full profile by following the link below.

Chua, C. (2020, January 21). 5 steps to move out of stagnancy in life. Lifehack. Retrieved November 7, 2022, from https://www.lifehack.org/articles/featured/5-steps-to-move-out-of-stagnancy-in-life.html

Posted in: Health, Health(y), Mental, stagnant

Encouragement Health(y) Positive Solidarity (Commonality, Humanity)

The Power of Healthy Friendships

By LaTangellia Walker on September 15, 2022October 12, 2022

By Tan Walker | UAB Community Health & Human Services Intern

Sometimes being with friends is all the therapy we need! Making connections is a primary human impulse. Researchers have found that people that have healthy friendships are deemed healthier and happier than those who are friendless (CDC, 2022).

Friends are essential to our well-being and are some of the most powerful bonds people have. They can also keep us grounded and help us manage the craziness that life throws at us, and provide an abundance of social support which is vital for our mental health. Having healthy friendships is powerful and has many benefits. It can help reduce stress, loneliness, and anxiety (Serene Health, 2022).

True friends will listen to our problems and support us through hard times, but it is important that we do the same for them. Here are four tips that will help us maintain healthy friendships:

1. Make time for friends – making an effort to see friends regularly is extremely important for maintaining a friendship

2. Communicate openly and honestly – try to share any thoughts and feelings with friends, and be open to hearing theirs.

3. Respect each other’s differences – It is important to value each other’s opinions and perspectives, even if we don’t always agree with each other.

4. Be supportive – Good friends are there through the good, the bad, and the ugly. If our friends are going through something, be there to listen and to provide the support that they need.

Whenever we are down, or battling with our mental health, it is comforting to know we have people in our lives that will be there to support us always.

References

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (2022). Talking to Your Love Ones. Cancer Survivors. https://www.cdc.gov/cancer/survivors/healthy-living-guides/emotional-health/talking-to-loved-ones.htm

Serene Health. (2022, August 16). Friendships are essential for mental health and Wellbeing. https://serenehealth.com/mental-health-and-friendships/

Posted in: Friends, Health, Love, power, social, Women

Encouragement Health(y) Hopeful Mission-fulfillment Positive Understanding (Insight & Wisdom)

Journaling Can Benefit Your Mental Health

By LaTangellia Walker on September 12, 2022October 20, 2022

By Tan Walker | UAB Community Health & Human Services Intern

When you think of “journaling”, it is easy to picture a young girl locked away in her room writing about her high-school crush in a diary with a lock on it. Although this is an easy perception to have, it likely matches with the overall consensus for adults: journaling is for young people still trying to figure out their purpose in life and gossiping about the latest high school drama.

Believe it or not, many adults own a journal of some sort. Whether it’s a diary, a 3 subject notebook, notes taken on a smartphone, or just a plain sheet of paper and a pen: journaling has no required format. Journaling only requires that you share your thoughts openly. Effective journaling can help you meet your goals or improve your quality of life (Ackerman, 2022; Purcell, 2006). Although personal goals vary from person to person, they are almost always positive and journaling can be a process that support goal accomplishment.

Effective journaling can help you clear your head, reduce anxiety, and it can also help you connect your thoughts, feelings, emotions, and behaviors. But how exactly does dumping words on a page have an impact on your mental health?

Well, journaling has been proven to help people struggling with a mental illness or people who want to improve their mental health (Ackerman, 2022; Purcell, 2006). More specifically, effective journaling has been found to:

Boost your mood
Enhance your sense of well-being
Reduce symptoms of depression
Reduce symptoms of trauma and PTSD
Improve your work memory

Here are some following tips to ensure your journaling is effective:

Write in a space free of distractions
Journal at least once a day
Keep your journal private -“my eyes only”
Be in control of the topic and structure of your writing

Try journaling today! The process may take some time, but the benefits can support your health and quality of life. It can be fun! Whether you choose to write about how your day went or your current thoughts and emotions, the fun part is that you get to choose what your narrative will be!

Courtney E. Ackerman, M. A. (2022, September 8). 83 benefits of journaling for depression, anxiety, and stress. PositivePsychology.com. Retrieved September 8, 2022, from https://positivepsychology.com/benefits-of-journaling/

Purcell, M. (2006). The Health Benefits of Journaling. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 10, 2022, from http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-health-benefits-of-journaling/000721

Posted in: Emotional, Faith, Health, Mental, Positive, social, Writing

Advocacy Encouragement Prevention Protection

Overcoming the Mental Health Stigma and Seeking Mental Care

By LaTangellia Walker on September 3, 2022February 12, 2023

By Tan Walker | UAB Community Health & Human Services Intern

Suicide was the second leading cause of death for African Americans ages 15 – 24 in 2019 (Office of Minority Health, 2022). This alarming trend is very concerning, particularly because mental health professionals believe they can support these young people through their circumstances. The highest proportion of suicide deaths occurs among African Americans, ages 25-34. Why is this happening?

African Americans (AAs) may be stigmatized against seeking help from mental health professionals. This thought process may be linked to a cultural legacy where AAs endured the surviving of many cruel and inhumane circumstances within the United States. Many African Americans experience poverty at least once in their lives. This alone has negatively affected the mental health status of the black community. In fact, those living below the poverty level are twice as likely to encounter serious psychological distress (Office of Minority Health, 2022).

When encountering hardships, African Americans may work to suppress their emotions, resulting in them “doing what they have to do” to make it through each day. Taking mental breaks, seeking therapy, and expressing thoughts and feelings are not often discussed or practiced in the African American community.

Unfortunately, suicide rates among Black Americans have continued to progressively increase since the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic. What better time to be proactive in addressing it than now?

Suicide is one of the most preventable public health problems, and young adults are at higher risk than any other demographic. Here are a few suicides prevention tips for young African American adults:

– Know the Signs
– Practice Self Care
– Research local counseling resources
– Call, text, or chat 988 to get connected with the National Suicide Prevention Hotline

References

Office of Minority Health. Mental and Behavioral Health – African Americans – The Office of Minority Health. (n.d.). Retrieved September 3, 2022, from https://minorityhealth.hhs.gov/omh/browse.aspx?lvl=4&lvlid=24

Schimelpfening, N. (2020, December 8). How you can help someone one is suicidal. Verywell Mind. Retrieved September 3, 2022, from https://www.verywellmind.com/suicide-prevention-tips-1067531

Posted in: Health, Mental, Racism, violence

Advocacy Hopeful Positive

Working to Be Heavenly Minded & Earthly Good…

By Larrell Wilkinson on July 16, 2021July 17, 2021

By Larrell L. Wilkinson

Many have heard the Bible verse, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:33, NIV). So being real for a moment, many of us do become distracted and/or challenged in the action of first seeking His kingdom and righteousness. We are challenged in making Him the priority over things of the world. So often our troubles in and of the world take precedent in our daily lives. Whether personal or social, a person may wake up thinking about their troubles or literally “yell angry expressions through typing” on Twitter to express their opinion about a particular topic that irks them. Let’s not forget our instinctive reaction to people who cut us off on the freeway! These first thoughts, instinctive reactions and/or expressions on social media may occur before we have once prayed to God about the problem or meditated on the “trouble” given God’s instruction to us from His Word.

Let me be clear, there are many serious trials and tribulations that we may encounter in life. For James wrote, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (James 1:2-4, NIV). Consider it “pure joy…”, REALLY? It tough dealing with challenges like hate through racism. Lord, I really rather not have to deal with the stresses of racism or concern myself with how racism may impact my children. And what about other hardships? What if a couple is going through a rough patch in their marriage; a person is battling with serious illness; and/or coping with other inequities within society…I mean who really desires to be faced with these other difficult life circumstances.

Still, I want to encourage us to press into God (& His kingdom) more! Practicing patience, finding joy in hope, and being consistent in prayer (Romans 12:12) may help us to resolve our personal troubles. The book of Isaiah suggest that we do right; seek (require or demand) justice; defend the oppressed; take up the cause of the fatherless; and plead the case of the widow (Isaiah 1:17) within society. This is how we can work to address some major issues impacting our local communities. For the last part of Matthew 6:33 says, “…and all these things will be given to you as well.” Thus, God is telling us that racial reconciliation, health and recovery, a flourishing society, a better marriage, overcoming our personal challenges…can occur when we seek His kingdom and His righteousness.

No one is saying it will be easy, at least I’m not. As a matter of fact, or my opinion, I believe it may be extremely difficult to address challenging areas in our personal lives and socially. Plus, we must consider God’s timing and that His ideas may be different than our expectations. Still, working to seek God and His kingdom FIRST, is our FIRST step to addressing problems in our lives. Second, I believe it is important to change our own attitudes positively about the challenges that we experience. This is why James says, “consider it pure joy” and I am sharing with you that I am a “work in progress.” To help me, I am intentional about keeping positive and healthy family/friends/mentors around me from whom I can seek good advice and social-emotional-mental-physical-financial support. A church can be helpful in this endeavor as well. Finally, I also work to accomplish small tasks around me, challenging myself to take on bigger issues as I build momentum (confidence) with smaller successes.

So what about you? How do you address challenges in your life? What concerns can PHAME-US Life help to encourage you through from the “test” to the “testimony” for others to see? Feel free to share in the comments section or join us on social media. May God Bless You and Yours.

Posted in: Justice, Love, Perseverance, Racism

Advocacy For My Daughter For My Son Hopeful

This Little Light of Mine, I’m Going to Let it Shine: Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day 2021

By Larrell Wilkinson on January 18, 2021

I can remember hot Sundays and weekdays sitting in the pews of hot Mississippi churches listening to my grandmothers sing:

“This little light of mine,

I’m gonna let it shine, (Ohhh!)

I’m gonna let it shine

This little light of mine

I’m gonna let it shine

Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine…”

If you have never heard a deep, southern gospel group of adults or even children sing this song, well, run to YouTube quickly and find some videos or download the music at Apple, Amazon, Google, etc. The song can be an uplift, whenever you need it most. I can still hear both of my grandmother’s voices in my inner ear, singing this song among the other church choir members. At one of my home churches in Mississippi, I can hear the choir singing under the direction of my aunt playing the piano and keying up the verses. I am telling you; the church was hot with the bright sun beams coming down on both of my family churches (in different parts of the State of Mississippi), but the song was “SANG” the same. I can still hear the passion in the voices of the choir, most of them older women: mothers, grandmothers, aunties, cousins, sisters, family…instructing us in the audience to let our light shine.

Most of the church was much older than me. My grandparents’ generation lived through World War II, Jim Crow Laws of the South, and the Civil Rights struggle and gains of the 20^th Century. They combatted the ugliness of racism: burned down African American owned stores, fire bombed churches, challenges to perform the guaranteed civic duty of voting, discrimination, and racial bias in the Armed Services while fighting for the United States of America, inability to get farm loans, etc. because of the color of their skin. But through it all, they “let their light shine.” By law, it was determined that they would live as second-class citizens in the South, segregated as “separate and unequal” and through it all they “let their light shine.”

It didn’t matter if you were an older adult, adult, teenager, or child…in the church, listeners were told:

“Everywhere I go

I’m gonna let it shine

Everywhere I go

I’m gonna let it shine

Everywhere I go

I’m gonna let it shine

Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.”

And why? Why did (do) we have to shine the light? It is true that the Bible reads, “In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven” (Matthew 5:16, NIV). But I tell you more practically, my grandmothers and the leaders of their generation were singing more practically. They were teaching and encouraging, saying to combat White Citizen’s Council policies, redlining, Jim Crow Laws, lynching, unlawful arrests, racial profiling, and other violations of African Americans (& People of Color) civil rights, we must let our light shine. They did GOOD when faced with EVIL, demonstrated LOVE when given HATE, and offered FORGIVENESS (not forgetfulness) when presented MEANNESS, OPPRESSION, and OFFENSE. The choir knew what the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. once said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.” Let’s choose to love today and every day, loving our neighbor (others) as we do ourselves (Mark 12:31, NIV). Love to all of you and thank you for your leadership Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. May we continue to let our light shine!

Posted in: Faith, Health, Love, Racism, social