Tag: Love

Can God feel my pain?

By Mr. James Harris

Photo by Helena Lopes on Pexels.com

One night we had to take our youngest son to the ER because he was complaining of stomach pains. He was only 3 years old so describing the depth of the pain, he could not do, all he could say was, “Mommy Daddy it hurt, and pointed to his stomach.”

We took him and began to examine him. The nurse said she needed to take some blood to see if it was something they needed to treat. I will never forget what happened next as the nurse pulled out the needle to draw blood from his little arm. Wanda said to me “I cannot watch this” and left the room. There I stood having to hold him down to allow them to take his blood. I will never forget the look in his eyes, as the tears began to fall. He could not understand how his father could allow someone to hurt him like that.

We think that our Heavenly Father has no feelings or understanding of the pain in our hearts or the things that we have to bear in our daily lives. I am not sure where that lie came from but it is a big lie from the pit of hell. Jesus sets the record straight in Matt. 6:26 (NIV) about how the Father cares for us.

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?”

I love my sons but God loves them and you and I much more than we have the capacity to totally understand. Jesus, the son of God became the son of man, so we the sons of men could become sons of God. Our Father wanted His Family back.

Blessings, James Harris

Women in entertainment share their stories of abuse (National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1.800.799.3224)

By Angela Wilson | UAB Community Health & Human Services Program Intern

Keke Palmer is an established actor, singer, and television host. She made history by becoming the first and youngest African American woman to play Cinderella on Broadway.  Cassandra Ventura (Cassie) is a singer, songwriter, dancer, model, and actress. Both ladies have amassed millions of fans who adore their work and respect their craft. They are constant fixtures on social media, of achieved both fame and fortune, and in committed relationships. Keke has a four-month-old baby with boyfriend Darius Jackson and Cassie has 2 children with hubby Alex Fine. These two ladies seem to have a life that most would envy. But unfortunately, according to them, they have endured rocky moments: Cassie in a previous relationship with another well-known celebrity.

Keke Palmer sent shockwaves through the entertainment world in November of 2023 when she requested (and received) a temporary protection order and sole custody of her 6-month-old child with boyfriend Darius Jackson whom she alleged physically assaulted her. She also revealed pictures on Instagram that appeared to confirm these allegations.

Cassandra Ventura (Cassie), shocked the hip-hop world when she alleged physical and sexual abuse by Sean Love Combs, also known as Puff Daddy, P. Diddy, and Brother Love. Puff Daddy is very well-known in the entertainment industry for being a singer, songwriter, record producer, actor and philanthropist. Puff Daddy settled with Cassie a day after her civil lawsuit was filed for an undisclosed amount of money. Although settled in court, Cassie’s claims does shine a light on harsh realities and adverse experiences she endured while starting a career in the music industry. After spending years in darkness, Cassie has exclaimed her desire to speak up so that she could help other women who may also be in abusive relationships. Since her public allegations were made, three other women have come forward with accusations of physical and sexual abuse against Puff Daddy.

KeKe and Cassie’s resilience should be celebrated and their efforts to “speak up” are applauded by many. Their story is one of adverse experiences, but continues to provide HOPE for many who are following their journeys. For example, KeKe hosted the Soul Train Music Awards in November 2023, performing an emotional song called “Ungorgeous,” baring her soul and family challenges. KeKe has many projects in the works and is continuing to focus on her family. Cassie too is enjoying motherhood, her role as a wife to a loving husband, and continues her modeling career. They both are living models of encouragement for overcoming hardships in intimate partner violence (IPV).

According to the Domestic Violence Hotline, 3 out 10 women have experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by a partner and reported it having a related impact on their functioning. Additionally, IPV affects more than 12 million people every year in the United States. Domestic abuse is never okay!  If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, there is help. The National Domestic Violence Hotline operates 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You can call, send a text message, or start a chat. They offer care, support, and advocacy and can be reached at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or by texting “START” to 88788.

Reflecting on a tragic moment of civil rights history and feelings of yesterday

Larrell L. Wilkinson | PHAME-US

Photo of window at the 16th Street Baptist Church and memorial plaque honoring the memory of the four young girls killed by the KKK bombing of the the church on September 15, 1963.

I knew yesterday was going to hit me hard. During the early weeks of September in Birmingham, AL, the annual commemorations begin. This year marks 60 years since the tragic death of four little girls and the injuries of several others, during the turbulent days of the Civil Rights movement. The City of Birmingham honored the victims of the bombing of the 16th Street Baptist Church on September 15, 1963, during the week of remembrance.

Working in the Birmingham area, I often drive past the historic markers of the Civil Rights movement. I can see the A.G. Gaston Motel, the 16th Street Baptist Church, Kelly Ingram Park, the Birmingham Civil Rights Institute and drive to Montgomery, AL to the Equal Justice Initiative & National Memorial, Dexter Ave. Church, the Rosa Parks Museum, and sacred sites of the movement. This year, 60 years after that fateful day of losing Addie Mae Collins, Denise McNair, Carole Robertson, & Cynthia Wesley, I know that America has made progress towards racial conciliation. I see it daily at my job, during worship occasions at my church, in visiting my children’s school, walking my neighborhood and patronizing businesses in my community. Still, exercising faith for a future that overcomes the actions of hatred manifested by individuals and groups that want to further efforts to separate us in the U.S., by race, by class, by the faith we practice, by any means that furthers their hate filled mission, that faith must be strong and resilient.

The actions of 60 years ago may seem like history to some but are very relevant to communities of people who have additional concerns when we go for a jog, shop at our community stores, or worship in our churches. Our families trade text messages to remind each other to “be safe”, “travel in groups”, “don’t travel at night”, “don’t get off the phone until you get home”, “don’t get gas at night”, “don’t stop at any stores tonight, we’ll order it later”, etc. Perhaps some if you are reading this, you might say, these sayings sound like useful tips. In contrast, others reading these words understand that these aren’t just tips, but necessary actions of life preservation for people feeling maliciously targeted due to their culture. For many, events that happened 60 years ago doesn’t feel like history, it feels like yesterday. Still, these groups of people press forward in hopes that their girls and boys will experience a society where the actions of a hateful few are no longer. Their hope is in a loving God, with the direction to love Him and to also love your neighbor as yourself (New International Version, Matt. 22: 34 – 40). It is in experiencing this form of solidarity that we can share in faith, hope, and love; love being the greatest of these (New International Version, Cor. 13:13).

Hitting the Hot 100, checking STD stats, checking your STD status

Angela Wilson | UAB Community Health & Human Services Intern

Sexyy Red is the latest Hip-Hop sensation and cultural phenomenon.  She cemented herself as a mainstream artist with her break-out hit “Pound Town” and partnered up with Niki Minaj on the certified Gold hit entitled “Pound Town 2″, debuting at No. 66 on the Billboard Hot 100. Unfiltered, the rapper’s lyrics may be considered a bit “raunchy” for some listeners. Still, she has fans, many fans, amassing over 1.7 million followers on Instagram and is currently the opening act for mega-entertainer and rapper, Drake.  Often dawning pierced lips, eccentric hairstyles, and revealing clothes, Sexyy Red is a rising star in the rap and hip-hop genre. It appears many enjoy her message of sexual freedom, but some may also take issue with her messages, portrayal of Black women, or the way she discusses sexual experiences openly.

Sexy Red, whose real name is Janae Wherry, has been receiving tons of backlash lately after proclaiming herself “the raw dog queen” on Lil Yahty’s podcast. “Raw dog” is a saying that means “having unprotected sex.” She also revealed that she does not like condoms or latex and claimed that they make her private area smell. It did not take long for her comments to hit Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and other forms of social media; with some disapproval and others claiming that she’s “keeping it real.”

It is easy to understand the concerns about the some of the statements Sexy Red made in her interview. Still, it is important to raise awareness about some specific concerns if one chooses to engage in sexual activity. Check out the graphic from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) below regarding sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) in the United States.

Additionally, it is important to understand that consistent and correct use of latex condoms can drastically reduce the risk of gonorrhea, chlamydia, and trichomoniasis. Latex condoms can also reduce the risk of genital herpes, syphilis, and chancroid, working when a person’s infected area or site of potential exposure is protected (CDC, 2023). Check out the links with each sexually transmitted infection or disease (STI or STD) to learn the facts about each.

If someone has concerns about latex condoms, some condoms are made of other materials (i.e., polyurethane, polyisoprene, and nitrile) are great for people who have latex allergies or sensitivities. Still, these condoms may be slightly less effective at preventing STDs than condoms made from latex (Marfatia, Pandya, & Mehta, 2015).

If choosing to engage in sexual activities, health experts from the CDC and Planned Parenthood encourage individuals to consider the following tips:

For more tips and to learn more about protecting yourself during sexual activities, please check out the links above. Want to talk some more, check out our Facebook page here: @phame.us.impact.

References

Center for Disease Control and Prevention. (2023, September 5). U.S. STI Epidemic Showed No Signs of Slowing Down in 2021 – Cases Continued to Escalate. https://www.cdc.gov/nchhstp/newsroom/2023/STD-Surveillance-Report-2021-media-statement.html

Center for Disease Control and Prevention. (2023, September 5). How can I Protect Myself from HIV?. https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/basics/hiv-prevention/protect-yourself-during-sex.html

Marfatia YS, Pandya I, Mehta K. Condoms: past, present, and futureIndian J Sex Transm Dis AIDS. 2015;36(2):133–9. doi:10.4103/0253-7184.167135

Light of the World, LLC. – Birmingham business aiming to bring light to mental health issues.

Amanda Benko | UAB Community Health and Human Services Intern

Photo by cottonbro studio on Pexels.com

Last weekend I had the pleasure of meeting with Mr. Xavien Tate, Chief Executive Officer for a local business called “Light of the World.” At his launch party, Mr. Tate was kind enough to inform us of the many services offered by his group. Everything from travel therapy, financial therapy, peer coaching, life coaching (individual and group setting), and much more. Mr. Tate says his inspiration comes from the Bible; “Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works and glorify your Father who is in heaven.” Matthew 5:16

What impressed me most was that he offers cleaning therapy. Not many people realize that there is a correlation between mental health and cleanliness in the home. Often when mental health issues take over, the home can become overwhelmingly daunting and thus only worsen. Mr. Tate recognizes an issue and a need for these matters. Check out the live video on Wilkinson’s Wellness Lab for an interview with Mr. Tate and his staff. Please check out this local business, and help be the light of the world.

To learn more or seek assistance, please check out lwicorp.org or follow on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LWICORPLLC or visit: https://www.lwicorp.org/

The City of Birmingham 2nd Annual Mental Health Day

By The PHAME-US Campaign

Join the PHAME-US.com and Wilkinson Wellness Lab team at this community event sponsored by Nuture, LLC, the City of Birmingham, AL and Birmingham City Schools. The event is free and open to the public.

Nurture of Alabama believes Birmingham can thrive, especially if communities address the mental health crisis experienced in our neighborhoods. Through the event Friday, May 19th, Nurture’s goals are to: 1) remove the stigma of mental health support, 2) improve mental health services accessibility, and 3) provide community education on mental health & wellness.

The event will have chair massages, a licensed professional counselor providing depression screenings, speakers,  free resources, giveaways, local food trucks,  yoga sessions, line dancing, blood pressure checks and more. So come out, have a good time, and let’s engage in mental wellness!

The Power of Healthy Friendships

By Tan Walker | UAB Community Health & Human Services Intern

Photo by nappy on Pexels.com

Sometimes being with friends is all the therapy we need! Making connections is a primary human impulse. Researchers have found that people that have healthy friendships are deemed healthier and happier than those who are friendless (CDC, 2022).

Friends are essential to our well-being and are some of the most powerful bonds people have. They can also keep us grounded and help us manage the craziness that life throws at us, and provide an abundance of social support which is vital for our mental health. Having healthy friendships is powerful and has many benefits. It can help reduce stress, loneliness, and anxiety (Serene Health, 2022).

True friends will listen to our problems and support us through hard times, but it is important that we do the same for them. Here are four tips that will help us maintain healthy friendships:

1. Make time for friends – making an effort to see friends regularly is extremely important for maintaining a friendship

2. Communicate openly and honestly – try to share any thoughts and feelings with friends, and be open to hearing theirs.

3. Respect each other’s differences – It is important to value each other’s opinions and perspectives, even if we don’t always agree with each other.

4. Be supportive – Good friends are there through the good, the bad, and the ugly. If our friends are going through something, be there to listen and to provide the support that they need.

Whenever we are down, or battling with our mental health,  it is comforting to know we have people in our lives that will be there to support us always. 

References

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (2022). Talking to Your Love Ones. Cancer Survivors. https://www.cdc.gov/cancer/survivors/healthy-living-guides/emotional-health/talking-to-loved-ones.htm

Serene Health. (2022, August 16). Friendships are essential for mental health and Wellbeing. https://serenehealth.com/mental-health-and-friendships/

Working to Be Heavenly Minded & Earthly Good…

By Larrell L. Wilkinson

Photo by Ric Rodrigues on Pexels.com

Many have heard the Bible verse, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:33, NIV). So being real for a moment, many of us do become distracted and/or challenged in the action of first seeking His kingdom and righteousness. We are challenged in making Him the priority over things of the world. So often our troubles in and of the world take precedent in our daily lives. Whether personal or social, a person may wake up thinking about their troubles or literally “yell angry expressions through typing” on Twitter to express their opinion about a particular topic that irks them. Let’s not forget our instinctive reaction to people who cut us off on the freeway! These first thoughts, instinctive reactions and/or expressions on social media may occur before we have once prayed to God about the problem or meditated on the “trouble” given God’s instruction to us from His Word.

Let me be clear, there are many serious trials and tribulations that we may encounter in life. For James wrote, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (James 1:2-4, NIV). Consider it “pure joy…”, REALLY? It tough dealing with challenges like hate through racism. Lord, I really rather not have to deal with the stresses of racism or concern myself with how racism may impact my children. And what about other hardships? What if a couple is going through a rough patch in their marriage; a person is battling with serious illness; and/or coping with other inequities within society…I mean who really desires to be faced with these other difficult life circumstances.

Still, I want to encourage us to press into God (& His kingdom) more! Practicing patience, finding joy in hope, and being consistent in prayer (Romans 12:12) may help us to resolve our personal troubles. The book of Isaiah suggest that we do right; seek (require or demand) justice; defend the oppressed; take up the cause of the fatherless; and plead the case of the widow (Isaiah 1:17) within society. This is how we can work to address some major issues impacting our local communities. For the last part of Matthew 6:33 says, “…and all these things will be given to you as well.” Thus, God is telling us that racial reconciliation, health and recovery, a flourishing society, a better marriage, overcoming our personal challenges…can occur when we seek His kingdom and His righteousness.

No one is saying it will be easy, at least I’m not. As a matter of fact, or my opinion, I believe it may be extremely difficult to address challenging areas in our personal lives and socially. Plus, we must consider God’s timing and that His ideas may be different than our expectations. Still, working to seek God and His kingdom FIRST, is our FIRST step to addressing problems in our lives. Second, I believe it is important to change our own attitudes positively about the challenges that we experience. This is why James says, “consider it pure joy” and I am sharing with you that I am a “work in progress.” To help me, I am intentional about keeping positive and healthy family/friends/mentors around me from whom I can seek good advice and social-emotional-mental-physical-financial support. A church can be helpful in this endeavor as well. Finally, I also work to accomplish small tasks around me, challenging myself to take on bigger issues as I build momentum (confidence) with smaller successes.

So what about you? How do you address challenges in your life? What concerns can PHAME-US Life help to encourage you through from the “test” to the “testimony” for others to see? Feel free to share in the comments section or join us on social media. May God Bless You and Yours.

This Little Light of Mine, I’m Going to Let it Shine: Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day 2021

I can remember hot Sundays and weekdays sitting in the pews of hot Mississippi churches listening to my grandmothers sing:

“This little light of mine,

I’m gonna let it shine, (Ohhh!)

I’m gonna let it shine

This little light of mine

I’m gonna let it shine

Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine…”

If you have never heard a deep, southern gospel group of adults or even children sing this song, well, run to YouTube quickly and find some videos or download the music at Apple, Amazon, Google, etc. The song can be an uplift, whenever you need it most. I can still hear both of my grandmother’s voices in my inner ear, singing this song among the other church choir members. At one of my home churches in Mississippi, I can hear the choir singing under the direction of my aunt playing the piano and keying up the verses. I am telling you; the church was hot with the bright sun beams coming down on both of my family churches (in different parts of the State of Mississippi), but the song was “SANG” the same. I can still hear the passion in the voices of the choir, most of them older women: mothers, grandmothers, aunties, cousins, sisters, family…instructing us in the audience to let our light shine.

Most of the church was much older than me. My grandparents’ generation lived through World War II, Jim Crow Laws of the South, and the Civil Rights struggle and gains of the 20th Century. They combatted the ugliness of racism: burned down African American owned stores, fire bombed churches, challenges to perform the guaranteed civic duty of voting, discrimination, and racial bias in the Armed Services while fighting for the United States of America, inability to get farm loans, etc. because of the color of their skin. But through it all, they “let their light shine.” By law, it was determined that they would live as second-class citizens in the South, segregated as “separate and unequal” and through it all they “let their light shine.”

It didn’t matter if you were an older adult, adult, teenager, or child…in the church, listeners were told:

“Everywhere I go

I’m gonna let it shine

Everywhere I go

I’m gonna let it shine

Everywhere I go

I’m gonna let it shine

Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.”

And why? Why did (do) we have to shine the light? It is true that the Bible reads, “In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven” (Matthew 5:16, NIV). But I tell you more practically, my grandmothers and the leaders of their generation were singing more practically. They were teaching and encouraging, saying to combat White Citizen’s Council policies, redlining, Jim Crow Laws, lynching, unlawful arrests, racial profiling, and other violations of African Americans (& People of Color) civil rights, we must let our light shine. They did GOOD when faced with EVIL, demonstrated LOVE when given HATE, and offered FORGIVENESS (not forgetfulness) when presented MEANNESS, OPPRESSION, and OFFENSE. The choir knew what the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. once said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.” Let’s choose to love today and every day, loving our neighbor (others) as we do ourselves (Mark 12:31, NIV). Love to all of you and thank you for your leadership Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. May we continue to let our light shine!

A Note of Love to My Wife Khalia: Thank You Sweetheart

My dearest Khalia,

Thank you for your love.

Thank you for being patient with me. Sometimes my ways are not your ways and your ways are not mine, but you choose to love me through the tension.

Thank you for being kind to me. I realize there are times I am unpleasant to be around, but you choose to love me with your gentleness.

Thank you for being generous with me. I realize there are times between us that inspire resentment, but you choose to pursue goodwill in our relationship.

Thank you for diminishing my faults, remaining down-to-earth, and being civil and polite. I realize there are times I come off rude or high-and-mighty, but you choose to not be irritable with me and forgive my wrongs.

Thank you for being fair with me. I realize there are times where your sacrifice or compromise is not celebrated, but you choose to exercise truth in a respectful manner.

Thank you for not giving up on me, not losing faith in me, remaining hopeful with me, and enduring life’s circumstances with me! Thank you for being a loving wife to me!

Your Husband,

Larrell L. Wilkinson